Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
