and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
