We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
