As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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