Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
