Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
