Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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