And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
