evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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