Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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