He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
