The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
