WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
