Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
