Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize