he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize