And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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