I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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