dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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