are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I met the friendliest cop last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
