Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
