you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
