I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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