Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
