JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
