My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
