He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
