And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
