dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
