Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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