sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize