I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
