just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
