just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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