i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
