Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
