Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
