Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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