Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
