Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize