Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just high enough for therapy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
