We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
