Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
