He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
