Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
