She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
