I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can I color on your dick again?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
