fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
