I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
