your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
