Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
