I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize