I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
