I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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