my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
