Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize