Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
