So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
