I just threw up on my dentist
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
