So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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