2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
