Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
