We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
