they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
