yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
